


Skipping Stones

by SilverCyanide (LemonFairy)



Series: Legerdemain [8]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Internalized Homophobia, Trans Female Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 13:30:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonFairy/pseuds/SilverCyanide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They were just supposed to be hanging out, but somehow Marius has a knack for biting off more than he can chew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skipping Stones

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings in this chapter for unintentional but still very much existent transphobia and for (mostly internalized) homophobia. But what else is new!

They haven’t known each other long, but to Marius it feels like they’ve know each other forever.

 It’s not that he and Courfeyrac share everything (they don’t); it’s not that they have an awkward-free relationship (they _definitely_ don’t). It’s just that he texts her as soon as she gives him her number, and they don’t really stop from there. She’ll share ridiculous anecdotes from her day. He’ll complain about the formality of Catholic school and his workload. It’s normal, like they’re meant to fit into each other’s lives.

 So when she calls him up one Monday afternoon not long after they’ve met and says, “I’m already swamped with work and need a break. Come get smoothies with me?”, Marius doesn’t hesitate to say yes.

 That’s how they find themselves lounging in the park, smoothies in hand, half beneath the shade of a tree. It’s still warm, being mid-September. Marius is leaning back against the tree, while Courfeyrac is sprawled out using her sweater as a pillow. Her feet are in Marius’ lap, and he taps her ankle absently with his free hand. Her shoes are pretty—he’s not sure what they’d be called, but they have a thick heel and are patterned with little clovers. One of Marius’ fingers trails over her ankle.

 “You have big feet,” he comments absently. “They look like they’re nearly my size.” He takes another sip of his smoothie as Courfeyrac chuckles and sits up.

 “Well given I’m male-bodied I wouldn’t be surprised if they were actually bigger.” She sits up and starts to pull a shoe off. “Let’s compare.”

 He’s sure he’s heard her wrong. He fiddles with his hearing aid. “Huh?”

 “Your feet,” she repeats, “let’s compare.” Finally, Courfeyrac glances up at him and registers his surprise. She laughs—high, amused—and Marius flushes.

 “Oh God,” she says, sounding embarrassed. “This is—awkward, sorry, I kind of figured you realized and didn’t mind. I’m rarely told I pass well so. Um. Yeah.” Then, like she’s just remembered it could be an issue, Courfeyrac adds, “I’m a girl though. Completely.”

 Marius is pink as he works this out. “Wait,” he begins, hesitant and clearly a bit baffled, “So, you’re like… a trann—”

 “Don’t finish that word Pontmercy.” Her voice is dangerous. Marius goes red and buries his face in his hands.

 “Sorry, I didn’t—I don’t—” He takes a deep breath and replies, muffled, through his hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you or do anything offensive, I—shit, I’m sorry.”

 Courfeyrac takes an equally deep breath and then most of the tension drains from her body. “It’s okay. Just—that’s not something you should ever say, okay? And I, um…” She fiddles with a curl. “I really hope this doesn’t change anything?”

 Maruis laughs, shaky. “N-no, I mean, as long as you’ll still—let me be your friend.” A few tears have beaded at the corners of his eyes and he wipes them away. Courfeyrac leans over and ruffles his hair.

 “I could never get rid of you by choice,” she admits, because she’s grown incredibly fond of him over these past few weeks, even if some of the sting in her heart remains. “We’re good.” Marius smiles a little, tentative but pleased. Then, his eyebrows knit.

 “Can I—oh God, I have a stupid question, you don’t have to let me but if you’d put up with a really, really stupid question could I maybe ask one?” He doesn’t look at her when he says it, and the words all rush out of his mouth at once. Warning fills Courfeyrac, but he looks so terrified that she gives in.

 “You can ask. I might not answer though,” she replies carefully.

 Marius wrings his hands. “If you’re—so, you’re a girl, but does that… make you, like, straight or gay?” Internally, Courfeyrac feels relieved.

 “They’re actually not related,” she begins, the explanation she’s given so many times before already at the front of her mind. “Just like any other girl, I could be straight or gay or anything in between. Personally, I identify as pansexual, which means I have the ability to be attracted to people of all genders.”  Her words are crisp and clear.

 A lump forms in Marius’ throat. “How did you know?” He hopes Courfeyrac cannot hear his voice waver. She cocks her head a little.

 “Well, I mean, I didn’t have a word for a while, but I knew I was into girls and then I realized I was into guys and then it kind of spiraled from there and I found the label and thought ‘oh, yeah, this is how I feel about my sexuality’.” She studies him. “Why?”

 Marius wants to reply, but the words don’t come. Instead, he ducks his head and squeezes his eyes shut to avoid tears

“It’s just—um,” he finally begins, an awkward pause later, “you seem to… really have this whole, um, sexuality thing really figured out.”

Courfeyrac shrugs. “It took me a while,” she admits. Then, voice softer, she adds, “Is there a reason you want to know?”

Marius presses his palms to his eyes. “Sorry,” he mutters, voice on the brink of cracking. “I didn’t mean to pry, I just…” Courfeyrac scoots closer and pulls one of his hands away so she can clasp it between her own. Marius continues.

“I just—you seem to know so much about all of this. Like…” He swallows and glances up briefly. “You have it… figured out? And I don’t, um—I can’t…” He won’t look at her.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she says softly, giving his hand a squeeze. Marius shakes his head.

 “No,” he mumbles, “it’s not… I just… don’t know how to, I…” Finally, Marius properly looks at her. She immediately wants to hug him but resists. “I… well, I mean, I’ve told you about my grandfather, he’s not… and I just… I’m confused. I’ve… always been told it’s a choice but t-then, I… I mean, I know I like girls but I think, um… I think I might like guys as well?” Marius’ voice goes up high at the end and he breaks eye contact. Courfeyrac squeezes his hand again.

 “I’m not you,” she says plainly. “I can’t—label you or decide what this means to you or what you’re feeling. But I do know of a really great group of people who might be able to help, if you’d like to come.” Marius glances at her, curiosity and hope mingling with the lingering fear.

 She should feel silly promoting their college organization to a high school student; Instead, she just says, “We’re an LGBT group that meets every Thursday at seven, and I’m positive everyone would love to meet you”. Later, after she has dropped him back home, Marius texts her for the address, and it tastes like victory.

**Author's Note:**

> A few ending notes: re: "I'm male bodied", obviously not all trans women like that phrasing (nor do other trans* people always like referring to their body as what it was assigned at birth), but I know plenty who do as well so it's a personal choice on Courfeyrac's part here. The same thing goes for explaining/putting up with people asking questions, which no one ever has to do, but some people are willing to. 
> 
> (P.S. Everyone who's ever commented on or left a kudos for this series, thank you so much! I have a lot of personal investment in it, so it's great to know at least one other person cares too!)


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